Grinds my gears: Starbucks

We get it, you are successful, but stop trying to convince us that you only play by your own rules. First, when someone walks in and says that they want a small, do not correct them and say that it is a “tall.” You know what we mean; do not impose your trendy Italian on us. Furthermore, why are you trying to pretend like you are Italian when your coffee primarily comes from South America and Africa? Tall should be called “alto” (tall in Spanish) and venti should be called “ishirini” (that’s 20 in Swahili. Yes, I looked it up).

Also, what is up with all the hipsters that are always there on their computer working on some blog or planning some occupy movement? It is obvious that you get some kind of inner joy from people watching you type, but is Starbucks really the best place for inspiration? There is a trend among the best writers in history (Sophocles, Jane Austen, Shakespeare, Akon, Lil Tunechi); they all got their inspiration on the streets. You would never see Weezy walking into a Starbucks and saying, “Yo shawty, lemme have a tall skinny mocha.” It just does not happen. Lil Wayne got his inspiration from purple drank, not coffee.

Furthermore, what is a barista? After consulting my friends Merriam and Webster, they say that it is Italian for someone working behind a bar. Now, I have never considered Starbucks to be anything near a bar, until recently. Starbucks has announced that at certain locations, beer and wine will be served. Finally, when one person wants a Café Americano and the other wants a PBR, they can both go to Starbucks and blog to their heart’s content.

Starbucks is truly a symbol of corporate efficiency. What other company could have three branches within eyesight and still somehow profit off of all three? For that Starbucks, I applaud thee. However, it still seems to me like making a 1000% profit on a product that is essentially beans and water is ridiculous.
And that, ladies and gentlemen is what grinds my gears.



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