The Know-All Freshman part three

Nick of Ask Nick

What’s the worst superpower?

I’m not really a fan of negativity, so I’m going to talk about the best superpower. The best superpower would be the ability to sense what dogs want. Too many times, my dog jumps up on me and whines like he wants something but then return a blank gaze when I try to let him outside or feed him.

Is Pluto still a planet?

Pluto self destructed years ago when the ice warriors fell to the penguin army. The penguins realized Pluto wouldn’t be suitable for waddling and sliding around, so the penguins sent their 420 million Watt laser battle cruiser to blow up Pluto. When the laser reflected off the ice of Pluto and destroyed the penguin battle cruiser, Pluto heated up too much and melted. The watery remains now exist in the tears of the surviving ice warriors, who fled to the Big Dipper.

Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?

Homeless people have CPR needs just as much as the more fortunate of us. Therefore, I would give a homeless person Coat Pear Rings if the opportunity arose.

What’s the difference between a puffin and a pufferfish?

Both can exist underwater, and are the most G animals in the hood.The main difference between them is that the pufferfish will survive underwater.

Is there water under the fridge, or water  under the bridge?

If you walk under the fridge, the water goes away. If you walk under the bridge, the water sweeps you away. Should we all be scared of the monsters under the bed? Water, fridge, no-scoping noobs, unpowered flashlight, and upside down spheres. That’s all you need to get the water from your tears.

Why do noobs still no-scope me?

If noobs are still no-scoping you, you need to change your strategy. Get a noob tube and sit in a corner until the noobs come marching in. Then, you need to scream and shout really loud into the game chat that you just rekt that noob. This will effectively separate your lack of skill in avoiding no-scopes from your clearly superior ability to no-scope.

What is the Quadratic Formula?

The root quad stands for 4, and this means that we should have 4 different answers by the time we’re done. So if you have a quadratic equation, you’ll need to start by multiplying everything by 4. Then, put the paper with your work in the microwave for 4 seconds, or until 4 seconds have passed 4 times. Separate the equation physically into 4 parts, and try to piece together the letter and number fragments into four distinct characters. So far I have œ¥z~. Now x is another letter, so just know that x could always be a solution. With your 4 characters, design a chemical that honors the French Revolution. This chemical solution is the answer to your Quadratic Formula.

Does coffee give you more energy if you plant it next to a nuclear reactor?

Coffee is a mind controlling serum given to us by the lizard people. It connects our ability to do daily activities with the toaster oven in the Russian prime minister’s cabin. The wild thing is reactors are the primary source of quality television shows, so those better not go away.

How many baby flying Buffalos did they have to kill for the buffalo wings competition? (On Friday of E-days)

With approximately 15 competitors, and 10 wings to be eaten by each competitors, I would say about 137 wings were needed for MAC’s competition. Baby buffalos don’t have wings though. Buffalo angels are the ones with wings, and to meet quotas, MAC sacrificed their newest intern to summon a demon that could take down enough buffalo angels. The demon only got 1 wing from the angels, so MAC had to look elsewhere. A closet genius emerged just in time to remind everyone that Boulder houses a couple of buffalos. MAC valiantly searched Boulder for buffalos that had wings, but Red Bull cut off their relationship with Boulder years ago, so they came back empty handed. As a result, the wings consumed at the competition were organic vegan gluten-free imitation wings made from lightly spiced broccoli and apple slices.

If the rule is a penny for your thoughts, and then you put your two cents in, where does the second penny go?

They say nothing is free these days, and objects particularly prone to this rule include water fountains. When a beautiful penny makes its pleasant splash into the cooling water, the hidden coin magnet draws missing pennies near and welds them, releasing explosive amounts of water that eventually finds its way to a cloud. This is probably just over our heads for now though…

What’s the most dangerous animal in Africa?

Dang land sharks. They’re trained all around the world just to tear up the ground, but they actually can’t be contained. It’s always sad to see a land shark in a healthy relationship with the ground collapse into the track madness. Land sharks are nearly untraceable, and they can be devastating to families. Protect yourself friends…



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