Choco-Lit Chip Cookies
- Store bought cookie dough; we recommend the cheapest stuff you can find, but anything your roommate left in the fridge is up for grabs too.
- Regret (optional)
Literally just try your best, alright? The instructions are written on the packaging usually but if it is not written in English or you are unable or unwilling to read, you can consume the cookie dough raw at your own risk. The regret is for serving; I usually try to have a ratio of about three hours of regret for every seventh cookie.
Sammons Family Soup and Rice
- Pre-cooked rice
- Canned or leftover soup
Heat up the rice. If the soup is in a can, remove it from a can and place it in either a microwave safe bowl (if you plan on microwaving it and if you are really in a hurry this is the only way to do it even though it might ruin any original flavor or texture) or in a pot (for heating on the stove, bonus points if you are in a really big hurry and definitely do not have time to wash the dishes, Carol, I’m sorry, alright, I’ll wash them as soon as I get home, jeez).
Not Your Grandma’s Potatoes
- Store bought potato chips (can substitute for any potato chips in the cupboard or any potato based snack found crushed in the bottom of your babckpack from last years finals).
I don’t really have to write this, do I? Okay, fine, open the chip bag, reach your hand in, experience a brief moment of anticipation before grabbing at least twelve chips and shoving them into your mouth to stifle the sobs over the essay you have to finish tonight.
The Singularity Snack
- One to fifty dollars
- Growing apprehension over articifical intelligence
Find a good vending machine on campus. If you’re confused over which vending machine is better than the other, here’s some criteria: how many people are around to watch you and judge you, whether or not it regularly has the snacks you like, whether or not it gives you back useless dollar coins instead of quarters like a well designed machine. Once you’ve found the vending machine of choice (mine is the one across from the Newspaper Office because I don’t like to burn too many calories on the walk to my processed sugar and salt snack), pick out a snack or ten. If you punch in the wrong number, I guess you’ll just have to have two snacks instead of one. Darn.
Digger Den Grilled Cheese
- A school that prioritizes great food