Satire: The new fro-yo machine’s spookier than you thought

Brown Building is as close to a playground as Mines students will get, with the 3D printer-stocked MakerSpace and plenty of coffee to fuel creativity. Now, the playground is complete with a very expensive sugary dessert served through a machine. The long awaited Frozen Yogurt machine in Brown is up and running, providing students with six dollar dollops of frozen custard. But not all Mines students are pleased with its existence.

Freshman Jewel Newman has expressed distrust over a machine housing the yogurt, toppings, and even spoons.

“What’s spooky is that the toppings have been in there for an indefinite amount of time,” says Newman. “That’s what I worry about.” It should worry any user.

Newman expresses her distrust of the robotic server to friends on a regular basis while passing through Brown, and wonders about who else feels threatened by the machine. It was meant to be a gift, an expensive gift that draws more money from students, but a gift nonetheless. However, did the school take things too far by placing such a device in the center of campus?

Freshman Logan Cummings also claimed that he was disgruntled that the machine didn’t accept Munch Money and only took the savings of users.

Newman also brought us insight to another alarming fact. “Their new flavor is pumpkin, which is seasonal,” explained Newman. “But it’s not even pumpkin season anymore!”

The yogurt madness, between the flavor mix-up, the toxic toppings, and the price that skyrockets past any Mines student budget, will continue until more students speak their mind and rage against the machine.