Welcome to your common exam, and thank you for testing with the Physics Department. I will be your TA for the duration of this exam. Whether you have tested with us before, or this is your first time, please pay full attention to the following academic dishonesty briefing.
Freshman orientation has come and gone, classes have started, and students seem to be getting the hang of things. CSM lovingly provides their fresh victims with some preparation, and the campus maps do well to let new students know where they will spend their mornings and afternoons. Yet something has been missing. In order to truly navigate the Mines campus, one must be able to navigate its inhabitants. Therefore, a never-been-seen-before Field Guide to Mines Students is being released to the CSM community.
It's no secret on the Mines campus that people are annoyed by the parking situation. With parking lots disappearing under the foundations of new buildings and existing lots being upgraded to a more expensive tier on a regular basis, some are questioning the motives and wisdom of those who normally work so hard to make sure that student needs are met. However, Parking Services recently released a reassuring explanation for these actions.
Physicists across the country work to solve the mysteries of the universe. The physics faculty and graduate students and Colorado School of Mines are no different. They strive to answer mysteries and questions such as: "What is dark matter? Are the branching ratios of the Higgs Boson consistent with the standard model? Is the proton a fundamentally stable particle or does it have a finite lifetime as predicted by some extensions to the standard model?" However, probably the single most asked question in the physics department is, "Does Chuck Stone wear pants?"
Students still desperate for summer experience still have a chance with Athena & Ocean, LLC, or A&O. A&O is a small engineering firm that embraces hipsters' ironic lifestyle, but students probably have not heard about them. A&O attended Spring Career Fair, but did not have many applicants, as their unpaid summer internships were not very desirable compared to typical high-paying engineering internships. However, students not wanting a mainstream internship missed out if they did not apply to A&O.
As Valentine's Day draws closer, members of the anti-Valentine's Day movement begin to make their presence more and more obvious. One of their more prominent members, known only as "Vane," was recently caught trying to outright sabotage the holiday. When questioned about why he was so adamantly against Valentine's Day, Vane had this to say:
Last week marked a difficult game for the New England Patriots, even as they rolled over the Houston Texans in the divisional round of the AFC playoffs. While the Texans did not stand a chance against the indomitable Patriots air attack, they did at least exhibit some type of balanced gameplay outside of a star quarterback. Late in the third quarter, Tom Brady was sacked by J.J. Watt, the explosive defensive end for the Texans. While being sacked, Brady attempted to break free from Watt, and in doing so fell on his coccyx, bruising it.
In collaboration with the registrar, "The Oredigger" performed a study on the Fall 2012 registration experience. The results were shocking: 81% of CSM students found their registration experience went "smoothly and was successful." "The Oredigger" looked to investigate the causes.
Last week Filipe Escutcheon III, an Econ Senior at the Colorado School of Mines, chose to place himself in the presidential race as a third party candidate. When asked, he explained his decision to run as "a personal goal in life, one that I think fits well with my current desires as an econ major here at Mines." He continued, "I'm not really worth anything as an econ major here, so I decided that being President of the United States would be a better decision career-wise."