Reports of on-campus happiness have been flooding The Oredigger office. According to the latest sources, the anomaly occurred sometime last Thursday, though aftershocks of the event are still being felt. “I don’t know what came over me,” one student stammered, shortly after the happiness burst, “I mean, I really don’t know. I just sat down to do my homework and the sun was streaming into the window and the trees were covered in flowers and I closed my eyes, and suddenly everything was beautiful.”
School officials have been scrambling for ways to sustain the rare kernel of positivism before it dies a cruel death at the hands of yet another wave of snooty college student persecution complexes
. Said happiness level manager Mitch Brighton, “this contentedness spike was truly unprecedented. We are working around the clock to analyze it and see if we can distill this energy into a more standardized package, for example by including it in one of those interesting, informative freshman PA talks about alcohol and stress.”
Professors and lecturers have their own ideas about how to sustain the joy. “It was great,” said computer science professor Phoebe Miles, “to suddenly see all their faces light up like they did when they began the class. There’s always so much potential and idealism that gets crushed as the semester wears on… personally, I think it’s due to the fact that complaining is always considered an acceptable conversation topic. It’s a shame that students often feel the need to gripe about the very subject they chose to major in just to be accepted in social groups.”
Observers are still unclear on why the griping was suspended for a short time last Thursday. “Maybe it was the birds,” Miles said, “maybe the sun. Maybe students had some strange collective recollection of how fortunate they were to grow up somewhere with such a high standard of living. Maybe those freakishly delicious salmon bagel things at Einstein’s momentarily dropped in price
Sadly, they did not.
. Or maybe, best of all, the students were finally smart enough to glimpse a world where happiness is a choice,” Miles shrugged, “personally, I think choosing to be happy is a lot more fun than choosing to be grumpy.”
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