TP “Bomber” charms campus

Rumors have been spreading recently about a campus hero that the students have dubbed the “Charmin Bomber,” who “bombs” a different campus restroom every Monday. According to reports from those on the receiving end his or her work, the Charmin Bomber removes all the toilet paper from the target bathroom and restocks the bathroom with a softer, thicker brand. There is no apparent gender bias in the target bathrooms, so many speculate that the bombing is a team effort. Occasionally, a dorm bathroom will be TP-bombed, so at least one of the students in on the effort has BlasterCard access.

Once the rumors had made the rounds of the student body, it became an informal game to find the “special” bathroom before the higher quality toilet paper ran out. Last semester, sources say that you could still find some of it left by Tuesday morning, but now the stock is usually depleted by noon on Monday. Last week, the bombers left the original paper in the target restroom (first floor, Green Center, women’s) so that once the soft tissue ran out, latecomers would still have something to use.

School officials have expressed some concern about the irregular traffic flow caused by the rush to find the correct bathroom. Many students will now seek out the restroom with the longest line stretching out of it, though less picky students note with glee that if a bathroom has no line, they are guaranteed privacy for their entire visit. When the Charmin Bomber was less well-known, people leaving the bombed restrooms would be quick to spread the word. Now, however, students who have discovered the lucky room try to be more secretive, only revealing the location to their closest friends. Despite this, it is estimated that by the time the good toilet paper is gone, there are at least three open parking spaces in the CTLM lot.

Students seem unbothered by the unpredictable usage patterns of campus restrooms; the person or people responsible are fast becoming legend. The exact identity of the Charmin Bomber is still mysterious due to the apparent randomness of the target restrooms and the early time of day at which the bombing occurs, both conditions which make it difficult for individuals or small groups to watch for someone hauling a half-dozen bags of toilet paper onto campus. However, some students have suggested the idea of tracking who stumbles on the correct bathrooms with the greatest frequency, as these students may have inside knowledge.

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