The numerous Father Christmas clubs on campus have banded together to designate this Friday a “Day of Letters,” during which all students who still believe in Santa Claus are encouraged to write him a letter. “Belief in Father Christmas is declining all across the country,” said Father Christmas Association president Clement Moore, “and we decided it’s time to take some drastic action. Writing letters to Santa has traditionally been kind of a personal thing, sort of a private conversation with the jolly old man, and traditionally [it] happens closer to December 25. But due to the rapidly shrinking list of ‘good children’ that we see going on today, we felt that we needed to get an early start.”
A recent Gallup poll has shown that Santa Claus apologists are indeed on the decline. An informal poll of students confirmed this trend. “I never really bought it,” said one sophomore (all respondents were promised anonymity), “I mean, if it was so clear that Santa was real, why would people risk getting coal in their stocking by being jerks and saying he wasn’t? Besides, there was never any real proof that it was anyone other than my mom who was stuffing that thing. I tested it one year, and no matter how many letters I wrote to Santa, if I gave my mom a different list, I would only get what was on hers.” Said another student, “It was a big relief when I realized I wouldn’t really get coal if I slipped up once or twice in the year. I mean, seriously, it’s kind of mean to torture kids with the thought of imaginary punishments.”
“I used to believe he came down my chimney every year,” said another, “and even when my parents told me that they filled my stocking, ate the cookies, all that, I figured they were just being grownups. I mean, everyone knows how adults tend to forget that Santa Claus exists. They don’t want to believe, so they pretend that they’re behind it all. That they’re the ones in charge of the presents. But as I got older, I realized that it’s pretty hard to convince yourself that something’s true just by wanting it to be. It’s kind of sad when you realize that orphans or kids in bad families, no matter how good they are, Santa isn’t bringing them anything.”
The spokesman for the Children of Christmas Club, Virginia O’Hanlon, agreed that Santa Claus is often seen as “a figure for children that adults don’t trifle with.” However, she added that “just because children are the primary believers in Father Christmas doesn’t make him any less real. It’s a sad fact of life that as children grow up and gain knowledge, they lose that innocence and purity that makes them so special; they become affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. Once they get to college, there’s all these professors filling their heads with the ways of the ‘grownup,’ teaching them that St. Nick is no more than a ‘historical figure’ – I mean no offense to anyone in particular here, but y’all are going to cry when you find coal in your stocking. That’s the truth, whether you want to accept it or not.” Moore and O’Hanlon both expressed a wish that the upcoming letter-writing day would help break the stereotype of Father Christmas as a child’s myth.
Students do not have to be members of a Santa club on campus to participate. Anyone who wants to write a letter is invited to write one or more letters to Santa for themselves or for others. “In fact,” O’Hanlon said, “we encourage people to write letters on behalf of their grownup friends. Maybe this Christmas, Santa will give them the gift of a childlike spirit.” There will be a box outside of Ballroom A from 11 AM to 6 PM this Friday where students can drop their letters off to be delivered to the North Pole.