Grinds my gears: Lack of good cartoons

You know what really grinds my gears?

Where did all the good cartoons go? At a young age, I can remember cherishing the moment that I got to watch my daily “Winnie the Pooh” episode. Then, as I “matured,” I slowly moved into the modern cartoons like “Doug,” “Recess,” “Rugrats,” and “Animaniacs.” I even dabbled in some of the classics of yore, like “Tom & Jerry,” the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote, and Looney Tunes. There was a ton of quality, family safe programming around and it was correlated with one of the largest economic expansions in United States history.

Then, the Japanese invasion happened. Shows like Pokémon and Digimon started to infiltrate Saturday morning programming. Do not get me wrong, the Japanese are great for a lot of things. They are a valuable trading partner, efficient, disciplined, and they invented sushi. However, these shows, with a plot that consists of some kind of dragon fighting some other dragon, are taking the place of Sylvester and Tweety. By the way, the western world already has its dragon movie, it is called “Harry Potter.” Now the most popular shows for young children are series like “Teletubbies” and “The Wiggles.” These shows are directly leading to the demise of the youth of this nation and directing them farther away from the greatest generation.

Who do we have to blame for this? You, America. You bought all of these trading cards and plastic Poké-balls, allowing the children to stay inside instead of going outside and becoming Captain America. Now we have children gelling their hair like DJ Pauly D and eating more than Rick Ross at CiCi’s Pizza.

In order to turn this great country around we need a maverick that these young children can relate to and aspire to be. Who is this person you ask? Flavor Flav (if you don’t know who this is, just image search him and that’s all you need). Before you think that he is just some rapper, hear me out. The man is an entrepreneur of a new genre as he was greatly responsible for the expansion of rap. Furthermore, he has national influence through his ridiculous VH1 show. Finally, since he always has a clock hung around his neck, he is punctual, teaching children responsibility. Flavor Flav will teach children to follow their dreams, expand new frontiers, and to always be enthusiastic. He is a person we can all rally behind in order to truly bring America back. With Flav we get no more confusing cartoons, no more trading cards, and no more Poké-balls.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what grinds my gears.