What is your deal? You sit in a hole for 364 days a year and then, on February 2 every year, you decide to come out and see if you can see your shadow. That way of life is lazier than Snooki when she’s working at the Shore Store. Furthermore, how in the world are you supposed to predict the changes of the seasons when you are stuck in a hole all year. That is like the time some gypsy in Paris tried to predict my future. You know nothing about me, so get that slew of diseases you are no doubt carrying away from me. The name “Punxsutawney Phil” for a groundhog is not becoming. Instead of this “oracle” that is supposed to predict changing weather patterns, your name sounds like you are the drunk of a Pennsylvania ghost town.
People treat this overweight rodent like he is royalty and I just do not buy into the hype. If we want some animal to predict the future, we should look at snow geese. Even though these geese are menaces to society and tend to defecate around like they own the place, they still start their migration inside the Arctic Circle and end in Mexico. I would definitely trust them to predict future weather conditions over a cousin of the prairie dog.
This year, Punxsutawney Phil saw his own shadow, and immediately we had one of the largest winter storms that I have seen. Is this coincidence? Or does this worthless creature actually have some kind of extra sensory perception with the weather. Either way, this hairy and golf-course-destroying rodent remains famous, for what reason, nobody knows.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what grinds my gears.