Creek of the Week: Clear Creek

Creeks are often wet, containing water and rocks. Sometimes even fish inhabit these flowing bodies of water. But far too often, no one takes the time to sit down and listen to the bubbling brooks and the whispers of the rolling waters, and understandably so. In fact, for the beginning portion of this interview, the answers were muffled in the passing of the crystal clear waves. After hours of patience and the careful placement of an ear, the secrets of Golden’s own Clear Creek were finally exposed. The murky fine grained sediments of confusion had settled to the bottom of understanding.

[Oredigger]: Why did you choose to become a creek?

[Clear Creek]: Bubble, gurgle sploosh, bubble swoosh splish splash. Gurgle; sploosh slush drip drop swoosh… swoosh sploosh. Splish gurgle, bubble slush.

Some people believe you have a problem maintaining a steady weight. For example, you gain a lot in the spring, and in late summer and early fall you’re running thin. What do you have to say to these people?

Sploosh! Bubble bubble, gurgle swish splish splash swoosh, bubble gurgle, sploosh sploosh sploosh. Gurgle…gurgle sploosh? Bubble. Swish. Sploring meltofsh…snowowwsh. (leaning in closer) Evaporatioosh. In the fall, water’s hard to come by. Not my fault. I’m here for the long run. I just go with the flow.

Address your violent flooding history, and anger problems. Is it true the City of Golden placed you in an anger management program?

Listen, what’s done is done. All that’s probably in the ocean now. I get in trouble because the City of Golden put the library, fire station, and police station in my immediate floodplain. So once in a while things get overwhelming. Now my shorelines are modified and chock full of drainage systems, which if you ask me is pretty darn inconsiderate. I was here first you know.

What is your favorite thing about Mines?

On sunny summer days, I love tasting the man-sweat of engineers as they swim, tube, and dive in my waters. However, algae and dead fish are a close second to the taste of engineer man-sweat. The E-Days Cardboard boat races might be even better. The combination of soggy cardboard and spray-on adhesive is simply divine.

Is it true that you can never step in the same river twice?

I’m a creek, how the shell should I know? Get it, sediments, shells…

What is your DO content?

I don’t smell that bad, do I? It’s been awhile since I’ve gotten a shower.

Who is your favorite superhero, and why?

Not Aquaman. Next question.

Do you have any advice for Mines Students?

In this ethereal, cosmic dance of fleeting transcendence and surreptitious façades, be sure to never lick the same squirrel twice. Additionally, a bird in the hand is worth a penny earned. Don’t forget that you can’t teach an old book new covers. Always fight fire with bygones. Most importantly; drastic times call for chickens before they hatch.

Excuse me?

I think someone just dumped some rancid bleach upstream, sorry.