Not-so-scientific discoveries this week

Transylvania, Romania
For many years, the scientific community believed that vampirism was a hoax. Last week a group of biochemists and biological engineers working under Dr. Rupert Dracula uncovered the secret of vampirism. Dracula is the descendent of the famous Count Dracula and seeks to carry on his powerful legacy through his vampire work. The group started by analyzing the remains of Count Dracula and the various people he bit throughout his long and industrious career, hoping to find a genetic indicator that would lead them to the cause of the Count’s mysterious abilities. After many years of study, they discovered that the Count possessed the unearthly ability to physically alter his victim’s DNA. There does not appear to be any scientific explanation for how he did this, but Dracula thinks that they are only a few months’ work away from finding out what gave the Count his power. In the meantime, Dracula has expressed his desire to follow in the Count’s glorious footsteps and has legally changed his name to Count Dracula.

Casablanca, Morocco
The Star Wars universe may have originated from the mind of George Lucas, but it has not stayed there. Researchers in Casablanca, Morocco, have been working on a way to collect moisture from the atmosphere in North Africa. The technology has its roots in Star Wars technology used on the desert planet Tatooine. The lead scientist involved in the process has described the process as reverse electroplating, just with water instead of an ionic metal. By electrically destabilizing the molecular structure on the air surrounding the massive collector towers, they can attract the water out of the air and into the storage tanks underground. The technology has many uses across the vast stretches of desert in the Middle East and the African continent.

Golden, Colorado
Have you ever wanted to sit back and watch your homework do itself, soaking up the information without lifting a finger? Most students have, but until recently, the mind-mapping technology to make this a reality has not been possible. Colorado School of Mines graduate students in the Physics department began working on the device about three years ago, and thanks to recent developments in neurological manipulation have been able to construct a fully functional homework machine. It works by scanning the homework, then targeting the necessary parts of the student’s brain to solve the problems. The device essentially teaches your mind how to do the homework without you having to struggle through the problem solving process on your own. In essence, it does your homework while teaching you how to do it yourself. The device interfaces with a master computer that loads useful information remotely, much like the system used in “The Matrix” to teach a user how to do Kung Fu, or fly a helicopter. The device will probably be in development for a few more years, simply due to the complexity of mapping a human brain. Students can expect to see the technology available for purchase within the next two years.

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