Grinds My Gears: Campus Improvement

You know what really grinds my gears?

Whatever organizational body is in charge of “campus improvement”

This group has planned not only to shut down every road in inner campus, but they are also planning on removing all non-gluten and non-vegetarian options from campus dining. This means no more beef, no more chicken, and no more good pasta or pizza. As Ron White famously said, “I didn’t climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots”. These people are trying to pressure us into a fit and active lifestyle that is so different from the sedentary and unathletic lifestyle we live now that it is dangerous. I am truly frightened. Furthermore, what about student rights? I want the right to drive my car wherever I please, park it wherever I wish, and walk however short I like. I also feel like I have the right to eat whatever I like.

This is a school of engineers, not dieticians. We build stuff, do math, and our appearance suffers as a result. It is the way the world works. Someone has to be the balding person with poor eyesight and thick glasses that ensures the investment banker’s Ferrari does not collapse the bridge. Someone has to be the computer programmer that keeps the electricity flowing so the Pauly D’s bass will drop at the right moment. Finally, someone has to be drillin’ hole, to provide fuel so hundreds of thousands of rednecks will have some NASCAR to watch after church on Sunday. As nerds, we are perfectly fine with being the workhorses of society, the white-collar workhorse. If we all wanted to be glamour models, we could have been, but we answered to a higher calling. Write your local senator, congressman, mayor, justice of the peace, radio dj, generous donor, or someone who decided to make social networking a “career” and tell them not to mess with our diet. We are a society of enginerds, and if we ain’t broke, don’t fix us. I want to continue to raise my cholesterol as I get older, and eat something other than vegetables to get me going.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what grinds my gears.

Copyright © 2020 The Oredigger Newspaper. All Rights Reserved.