Review Corner: Oredigger Article “Twilight: Best Movie Ever”

It is almost a human trait to review all that is around us. From refrigerators to potential mates, very little in society is capable of escaping the fine tooth comb of obsessive rating geeks. There is one aspect of society that tends to be immune from the ever present spotlight of the reviewer’s mind, that being the reviews themselves. Much as Alan Moore brought about the phrase “Who watches the Watchmen?” in the 1987 comic book classic “Watchmen,” this article seeks to answer the question: who reviews the reviews? The answer is of course, (and to break the standards of journalistic writing for a second by using the first person), me, that’s who.

The article “Twilight: the Single Greatest Movie of All Time” by renowned film critic BlueRose676 starts out dramatically with the captivating phrase, “There is a great,” followed by a resounding flow of words that emphasize the writer’s thoughts. For a whole paragraph the writer captivates the reader by building up the topic of the review without giving any indication of what the topic is. What is truly stunning about this style is the sheer tenacity of the descriptions that inevitably lead to the great mental and physical release that is the announcement of the review topic. The words themselves are so gripping that to echo them here would ruin any vestige of the sheer writing talent of BlueRose676. Words such as “possibly,” “wept,” “gasped,” “persist,” and “eternity,” grip the mind of the reader to prepare it for the emotional roller coaster that is to follow.

The release that is embodied by the reveal of the subject is truly one of the most momentous events in review history, paralleled only by the greats such as Tom Wolfe and the late Hunter S. Thompson. It is not the goal of this article to spoil that surprise either.

The following section is marked not only by the much more jovial tone of an impassioned reviewer, but by the exclamations of someone who truly understands the work that is being reviewed. The over-abundance of exclamation marks grasps the punctuation mark and removes it from its typical environment of teenage girls and plants it firmly and surprisingly in the realm of serious reviews. It is likely that even the most hardened reader will weep for joy from the contents of the first two body paragraphs. The use of the informal tone in these paragraphs challenges what a review can be, and with it, changes what reviews should strive to in the future.

To best describe the emotions of the following list in the next section of the review, one word in particular from the review can be used: “smexy.” If there was ever a harbinger of the power of this article, that would indeed be the choice description. BlueRose676 takes the centerpiece of the review to break down the review topic into five distinct points, each more insightful than the last. It is critical to take a break after each to let the impact of the statement follow through. Like a one-two punch to the mind, the list section is poignant and shocking.

If the reader of the review has not yet been convinced to step out of their comfort zone to partake in the topic, the last few paragraphs are custom built with meticulous precision to entice the reader. Like a carefully trained sniper using the best technology, BlueRose676 sends each of her points into the minds and hearts of the readers, to a truly magnificent effect.

As with all reviews, there is heartbreak involved in the third to last paragraph. All unbiased opinions are thrown out as the reviews, and hopefully the readers embrace the well thought out phrasing having to do with the tortuous history of the topic. Needless to say, the emotional roller coaster returns to a high in the triumphant finale of the article. As the review finishes and the final rating is given out, the review invokes the strength of “Citizen Kane.” Through all of the power and sheer emotion of the review, “Twilight: the Single Greatest of All Time,” ruins the reviewing playing field like a student who gets a perfect grade in a class where the average is a 56%.

Two thumbs way, way up.

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