Before we dive into this messy little conversation, there needs to be a disclaimer: I will not be getting every male reader a date with the following advice. I am just giving you the tools necessary to build a relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
That being said, nobody reading this article should ever think, “That guy/girl is so out of my league.” That line is complete nonsense. We all start on a level playing field. Without further ado, here are the basic guidelines to talking to someone you “likelike”: Initial Contact, Compatibility, The Final Descent.
Everyone wants to be cliche here. You want to be gazing into the distance when your starry-eyed love looks back at you and smiles with a smile so sweet that your heart melts…except that probably is not going to happen to many of us here at the Colorado School of Mines. For most of us, there is a much more dreaded beginning to our love story.
You. Have. To. Approach. The. Cutie. Really, you have to do it. See that cute guy sitting over there eating lunch? His plan for the rest of the day is to finish that lunch, go to class, eat a snack, do something at the gym involving weights, eat more food, and sleep. UNLESS, you walk on over there and say the greatest pickup line known to mankind, “Hey, how is it going?” Now, unless you have approached the King/Queen Jerk, you will probably have a nice conversation about your day and his/her day.
Important side notes About Step 1: Do not be creepy. Be confident. If you act awkward and scared, the other person will be scared and look at you awkwardly. Also be nice. Nice people always finish the race, maybe not first, but they finish the race every time.
This is not a “Do or Die,” scenario. Take a step back and think about what you are doing. There are people looking for long-term commitments, there are people looking for flings, there are people looking for one good night, and there are people looking to add to their list of friends with benefits. Which one are you, and which one is the person you are talking to?
Do NOT expect to get this answer the first time you talk, or even the first couple of times you talk! You will learn pretty quickly which kind of person they are through their actions.
Take some time to figure out which character you are before judging them. Did you just go through a tough break up? Did you just get to college? Have you ever had a relationship before? Do you even have time for this?
Important side notes About Compatibility: Do not force someone to be your kind of compatible. This is college. Let them explore, run wild, fall in love, but do not force them to pick you. Just hope they think you are as right for them as you think you are… and do not worry, most of the time it works out in the end.
The Final Descent.
Yes, this is where you ask them to a one-on- one social interaction known as a date. And before you set high expectations for this occurrence and get all dressed up and make reservations three weeks in advance, ASK THE PERSON IF THEY WANT TO GO. And be explicit. Please, please, please, avoid making it seem like a “hangout session,” when you want it to be a date. A date is special, so make it special. And no, it is not special because you bought her roses and the most expensive chocolates at the store.
It is special when you can barely keep your eyes off of each other and can remind everyone else in the vicinity what it means to laugh because you’re with someone you really like, no matter the reason you like them. At the core, that is when you two are ready for a date. That is basic human life for you: be with the people that make you laugh.
Important Notes About The Final Descent: You will probably have more than one final descent. And that is just fine.
You get better as you go on more dates, you learn more about what you like and what you enjoy talking about, and it is always fun doing something fun with a person that likes you enough to hang out with you. So have fun.
Go say hi, get to know them and what both of you want, and have fun together. Good luck and good hunting.
As a side note: My girlfriend agrees with all of this, and would like to add that Snarf’s is a great little place to go on a first date. I disagree and would recommend pizza and bowling. My roommate likes coffee. You pick. It’s your date. Go make it happen.