Featured image: “The Career Center staff had an instrumental role in many of these changes.” Image courtesy of Shane Cranor.
The Registrar’s Office has recently released additional requirements for graduation which are effective immediately for the Spring 2021 semester. These new requirements were created with the consideration and alignment of the absolute highest value at the Colorado School of Mines: career and industry relationships.
Please read carefully as this pertinent information will not be announced elsewhere and policies will not be updated in print until the next school year. Please note below that “every semester” designates all three fall, spring, and summer semesters.
- All students must take CSM 250 (Engineering Your Career Path).
- All students must submit their resumes, CV, and list of references every semester. Improvement with each iteration is expected.
- All students must submit an annotated Mines Strategy Handbook with each annual publication.
- All students must provide records and evidence of attending the Career Days of every semester they were enrolled.
- All students must provide evidence that at every Career Day, in-person or otherwise, they wore a full business suit while waiting in the eternal line for Lockheed Martin.
- All students must have a verified and complete LinkedIn profile and Diggernet profile. Failure to do so will not verify you in the eyes of the Board of Trustees or God.
- All students must have at least 250 connections on LinkedIn to demonstrate networking. Failure to do so will result in mandatory registration in a remedial course on how to make friends.
- All students must provide documentation of applying to at least 50 positions on Diggernet every semester when employment or an internship has yet to be secured. Failure to do so will result in mandatory servitude to a university research group to gain experience.
- All students must provide audited income information for every internship, co-op, and/or part-time position they obtain during their enrollment. Failure to do so will place the student on a hit list to be audited monthly by the IRS.
- All students must acknowledge that conferment of their degree legally binds them to provide any salary information annually for perpetuity. Failure to comply could result in lawsuits, garnished wages, and/or indentured servitude.
- All students before graduation should have secured a sufficient job offer that matches the post-degree salary requirements of the school. Students who fail to meet this standard may have their degree revoked, and remedial classes assigned accordingly.
- All students must provide a written statement on how their academic experience at Mines has prepared them for a healthy work-life balance. An inadequate statement will require a subsequent statement on why they don’t have their life together.
- All students must have an elevator pitch ready on why they should graduate as part of their checkout. An inadequate pitch will require the student to perform a subsequent pitch on why their life is worth anything.
- All students that fail to give President Johnson an acceptably firm and professional handshake at commencement will immediately have their degree revoked and remedial classes assigned accordingly.
- All students must demonstrate the ability to be a bootlicker for oil companies.
The Registrar’s Office provides the service of doing preliminary requirement audits. Ultimately, however, it is the responsibility of students to monitor the fulfillment of these requirements in a hidden subsection on Trailhead. It is also the student’s responsibility to contact the Registrar’s Office when there inevitably appears to be a discrepancy with their records and verify changes are applied and not later reverted without apparent reason or notification. •
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