In an unprecedented move, the student body government is passing a petition around campus asking for the cancellation of all finals this semester. “To fritter away so much time on standardized testing,” the petition reads, “is to degrade and demean the immense creativity and passion that learning should entail.”
E-mail is wonderful. With only a few clicks, you can send a message zipping across cyberspace. The only feelings you have to worry about are those of the recipient and with the possible exception of computers running Micro$oft software, your e-mail will almost always arrive at its destination, no matter how abusive you were to your computer. Unfortunately, this rosy communications model disappears when you walk into your department office.
At this fall’s “International Day” a state from the USA showed up, wielding a flag that at first glance might remind the hurried food-seeker of Chile. At second glance, however, the barbecue and Tex-Mex served at the table gave the identity of the attendees away: folks hailing from the Lone Star State.
“We’re really disappointed in the amount of media hype, and sales, that we got from our most recent announcement,” admitted Apple Chief Operating Officer Tim Cook in a phone interview Friday, referencing Apple Inc.’s recent introduction of The Beatles’ complete collection in digital form to iTunes. “So we’ve got something else to announce next Tuesday: Auto-Tune in GarageBand.”
Last week, campus officials tried to stem the outcry about the difficulty many undergraduates had in getting into required classes. “This is insane,” said one student, a senior, “I just need to take Diff. Eq. to graduate, that’s all. But I can’t get in because no one else has taken it either, and I lost the last-name lottery this year.”
For those disappointed with today’s movie scene, Stock, Aitken, and Waterman’s 1987 classic Too Shy to Say It is a welcome alternative to 2010’s light-as-popcorn fare. The stylized sci-fi flick is set in a dystopian future where people of any age may be selected for medical experimentation, much like being selected for jury duty. Originally meant to accelerate the life-saving work of the overstressed biomedical industry, the program was slowly co-opted by radical eugenicists who made a living out of convincing researchers to request “abnormal” patients – anyone that deviated too much from their standard.
An anonymous donor wrote a letter to Mines last week saying that he is “willing to commit any amount of money” to the school as long as it will be spent on the purchase and care of poodles. The donor included a preliminary donation of $20,000. Campus officials have said that they will accept the offer, although they are still unsure how the poodles will contribute to campus life. “It’s hard to argue with free money,” said one board member, who declined to be named, “it’s like arguing with free food. Perhaps it’s not our favorite dish. Perhaps it’s not what we need to have right now. So what? It’s free.”
