You know what really grinds my gears? Boulder.

Our neighbors to the north are famous (or infamous) for two things, hippies and the University of Colorado.

Let us start with the hippies. We get it, you love the earth; now take a shower. In the late 1960s, these unclean people started colonizing Boulder, probably in tents or makeshift houses, like gypsies (not actually true, but this is how I picture hippies gathering). Unlike nomadic gypsies, these hippies stayed, and so did their practices. Now if anyone goes to Boulder, one can expect to have many of his or her senses provoked. Your nostrils will be filled with the scent of marijuana and body odor, your eyes will be entertained by the dreadlocks and the handmade clothes, your ears will be overflowing with sounds of the homeless people asking you for money, and your taste buds will be occupied with the flavor of all of the organic, preservative-free food. Personally, I think if the hippies really loved the earth, they would stop yelling at me for driving my car, and bathe more than once a month so I do not have to smell them. However, for one reason or another, hippies believe that the earth must not like you to clean yourself, and thus the stench continues. Furthermore, I am at a loss as to why the homeless population of Boulder seems to be greater than the population of established citizens. Either way, any causal stroll down Pearl Street will have you dodging the homeless like Tebow dodges tackles.

Another unattractive aspect of Boulder is it serves as the location for the University of Colorado; essentially the school where showing up is good enough. Now, I am not suggesting that CU is a breeding ground for laziness, I am just saying that, on average, the students here work harder. You can blame it on the goose, the grass, or the Greek, but it seems like, for better or for worse, we reside at a much more academically focused university. In a liberal arts setting, often there is no wrong answer to a question whereas, at Colorado School of Mines, at times it can seem like there are only wrong answers. Perhaps this opinion stems from jealousy, perhaps from reason, but at both here and CU, degrees are given; but the investment in the degree is far different.

Boulder is like that person in a family who everybody loves, but no one really expects too much out of. It is fine to visit, but move there and, next thing you know, your closet will be filled with Birkenstocks and other hipster apparel. You will find yourself donning glasses without any corrective lenses, wearing jeans that are uncomfortably two sizes too small, and eating things like granola and gluten-free bread while driving a Prius. If this is a place for you, then more power to you, but for the rest of us sensibly minded individuals, we will continue to eat fast food, wear clothes made overseas, and bathe daily.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what grinds my gears.

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