As the school year has progressed, many students at the Colorado School of Mines have been involved in truly heroic feats of activism. From using the incredibly powerful tool of Facebook statuses to rid the world of the evil of Kony, a man who may or may not still be alive in an unknown country that makes it difficult to trace or confirm the evil deeds involving child slavery, to multitudes of protests insisting that astronomers re-instate Pluto’s right to call itself a planet, it is clear that Mines has been involved.
However, just because summer is approaching does not mean that Mines students have any excuse to stop supporting good causes. In fact, there is a horrific substance found worldwide which has brought devastation to untold millions for many years, yet people remain content to sit back and let this material wreck havoc time and time again. The cries of its victims implore, nay, beseech action from those who have stood against its destructive nature. Friends, I urge you, when you scatter across the globe this summer, bring with you the message that we must ban dihydrogen monoxide.
Dihydrogen monoxide is a chemical that has been responsible for countless atrocities in the past. It bears the brunt of the responsibility for disasters such as hurricane Katrina and the tsunami that hit Japan a while back, as well as the sinking of the RMS Titanic. It is one of the main components of acid rain and is responsible for the semi-regular devastation of the Mississippi River floods. The increase of this substance in its liquid form is one of the main concerns of global warming. Exposure to large amounts of this chemical kills over 1.2 million people per year, while prolonged exposure to contaminated dihydrogen monoxide is responsible for 3.41 million deaths each year. It manages to be involved in the production of virtually all food supplies, yet the FDA has very few regulations as to how much of this chemical can be present in most food. And these are just a few of the dangers dihydrogen monoxide has and continues to pose to humanity.
In light of this pressing and large-scale danger that dihydrogen monoxide presents, we cannot, in good conscience, let this chemical continue to run rampant throughout our society. When summer arrives and you are given the chance to spread beyond Mines for the first time in months, consider educating others about the terrors dihydrogen monoxide is so adept at bringing to all it touches. Contact your congressional representatives and urge others to do the same. Let them know that we will no longer passively stand by as dihydrogen monoxide continues to take lives and destroy human accomplishments. Let them know that dihydrogen monoxide’s reign of unchecked terror is over. And above all else, let them know that they can expect similar outcries from others until they find a solution to this problem. Together, we can ban dihydrogen monoxide!