Letter to Jared

Dear Jarrod Sparks,

Last weekend my son Adam and I flew from Boston to attend a Discover Mines day. After enjoying a morning full of opportunities to look through people, not smile, and not hold doors, we decided to get something to eat at the Slate Café. We were scanning The Oredigger (2/11/13), munching ore-burgers, and lamenting our fast-fading fake tans when we came across your Grinds My Gears article about how much people from the Northeast annoy you. After reading it we have decided to change our lives. From now on we will say hello to everyone, everywhere, all the time. This will probably get us killed on the subway back home, but hey, attempting to change social norms is not without risk.

Now I have some advice for you. Come on, Jarrod, you knew it was coming. In future writing you may want to steer away from a term like “concrete jungle” that hasn’t been used seriously in about 5 decades. Also, referencing the animated characters from a Disney Movie to make a point may not be a guy’s best move. Lastly, I don’t deny that idiots like DJ Pauly D exist in real life, but in your broad-brush world he speaks for everyone in the Northeast. Wow! And I’m sorry, but, which one of the ZZ Top-looking morons on Duck Dynasty is it that you identify with?

All in fun,
Paul Penner
Hamilton MA

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