Grinds My Gears: Easter Bunny

Now, I have no problem with celebrating and recognizing the resurrection of Jesus. It is the pivotal event in Christianity and it should be celebrated as such. I have a problem with the secular Easter.

First, when did a bunny become a symbol of purity? Around Easter, every single store’s display will have white bunnies or chocolate bunnies aplenty. Are we forgetting that these animals live in holes in the ground? I would expect a rabbit to be at about the same cleanliness level as a Geico caveman; hardly a pure, diseaseless creature. Furthermore, as children, we were all educated to believe that a white rabbit was the cunning varmint that would steal your cereal when you weren’t paying attention. We would then have to respond, “Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!” as we took our cereal back. Not only are rabbits not clean, they are also addicted to cereal larceny.

Also, I have an issue with the chicks that are also always represented with Easter. These creatures are even more disease-prone than rabbits. An amateur engineer with an opinion recently quoted, “I estimate that over 50% of Asian Bird Flu and SARS contractions by humans occur as a direct result of handling Easter chicks.” With credentials like that, you had better heed his opinion. Also, these animals may be cute when you first buy them around Easter, but they will inevitably grow. So instead of a cute little chick, many people will be stuck with a smelly, clucking chicken, who will make noise every morning once the first hint of sunlight is visible. I hardly expect that people would be as enthusiastic about buying chicks if they knew that they had bought an alarm clock that they could not turn off.

The secularization of any religious holiday is virtually unavoidable in today’s society. There is too much of a chance for economic gain to let this holiday be sole property of the church. However, whoever secularized this holiday obviously did not think this through. The two mascots obviously do not fit the bill of the purity represented by this holiday. Yes, both chickens and rabbits reproduce like the plague, and reproduction is a symbol of springtime, but that is not necessarily something to be celebrated. When the world found out people like Snooki, Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, and Flavor Flav were reproducing, the first emotion that ran through everybody’s mind was fear.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what grinds my gears.

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