On Washington Avenue, Blue Canyon sits unassumingly nestled between two outdoors shops. It offers everything most sports bars do: TVs playing tonight’s games, a well outfitted bar, and sit down tables for dinner and lunch. What you may not realize is that the world’s most terrifying burger is on their menu: The Fire Burger.
I walked into the establishment Tuesday, Feb. 16, and sat down at the bar with my friend Jacob. Just two guys needing to refuel after a hard day’s work doing complex analysis. Unknowingly putting ourselves in the danger of physical harm. Jacob and I recollect days past, really anything to take our minds off our complex analysis test that we had been studying for all day.
I only take two seconds to decide, Green Chili Burger or the Fire Burger? Fire! Hey I’m a big guy, I can handle it. The waitress says, “I’ll put the sauce on the side.” She walks to the kitchen eyes rolling. Pffft. Look at this lady… Our conversation continues and the burgers arrive quickly. Jacob has a beautiful Green Chili Burger, complete with a fried egg. I on the other hand have a rather plain looking burger, covered in jalapenos, with liquid death on the side.
Jacob begins to dig into his delicious meal, and I follow in suit. I look at the burger and then at the sauce. Silly waitress. It is probably not even spicy! I remove the bun and proceed to pour all of the fire sauce on my burger. My first bite can be described by one word: slow-moving-pain. “Umm this is good, not bad at all…. mmm this is pretty spicy…. Ohhhh…. My mouth is fire!” I quickly drain my water. Sweat streams my face. “Perhaps if I scrape the bun off I can still get this in my body.” Another bite. “This water is lava… I’m seeing dead people…” (mental whimpering) Two more waters and a tear is on my cheek. “Alright I won’t eat the bun just the meat.” A few more painful bites, two more glasses of water. The meal is done and I tip the waitress the usual amount in a bitterness that comes from being wrong. Jacob and I head back to campus, back to the trenches.
So if you want to put your mouth through fire, head down to Blue Canyon Grill and test your strength, I, on the other hand, will enjoy my life and eat the Green Chili Burger from this point forward.