By Jade Glaister
The Golddigger is the annual satire issue of The Oredigger. All stories on this page were intentionally written with satire in mind and are not to be taken seriously. Contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org for any comments or questions.
Music is one of the best ways to amplify the plethora of emotions that we all go through on a daily basis (thanks Mines). However, you have to be meticulous in choosing the correct songs for different moods as emotions are a very delicate thing, and they must be supported well. To aid you all with this difficult task, below is a list of different emotions with the perfect song to listen to in that state.
Happiness is an incredible feeling that unfortunately us Mines students don’t get to feel as often as we would like. So, in that precious moment when you are happy, you need a song that makes you even happier and maintains that feeling. This is why “Wake Me Up When September Ends” by Green Day, one of the happiest songs ever created, is the ideal song for this emotion.
A significantly more frequent state at this school is crying. No matter the cause, whether it’s a chemistry test, a stressful week, or a breakup, you need a song that comforts and reassures you. “Cotton Eye Joe” by Rednex perfectly encapsulates all of these feelings. There is absolutely nothing better to listen to while the tears are streaming down, and you don’t know where they are coming from or where they are going.
Similarly, when you’re stuck studying alone on a Friday night, and simply feeling lonely, it’s important to not focus on the fact that you are alone at that moment. To do this, give Randy Newman a listen with his iconic “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” which will definitely not make you feel lonelier.
Speaking of studying, we must discuss the other common emotion at this school, stress. The feeling of stress can come from anything (typically geese that just get a little too close to you), and it is beneficial to put yourself in a comfortable and relaxed state of mine to deal with it. One way to do this is with some low-intensity music that flows really well. Of course instrumental music is the best way to achieve this, notably “Flight of the Bumblebee” by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov.
Occasionally, stress does turn into anger, especially as that one code just won’t compile and there’s nothing else to do but yell at a rubber duck. Similar to stress, it is key to listen to relaxing music and clear your mind. A fantastic way to do this is with “It’s a Small World” by Disneyland Children’s Chorus. It is impossible to have a crowded mind filled with annoying lines while listening to this absolute bop.
Due to the large pile of homework that we are constantly chugging through, late nights are inevitable. To help you stay awake, what is better than an upbeat song? “Asleep” by The Smiths is the perfect fit for this situation. On the contrary, with all those racing thoughts, it is hard to fall asleep sometimes. For this, you need quiet, calming music like Slayer’s “Angel of Death.”
Moving on to your personal life, your relationship status also greatly shapes what music you should be listening to. Fortunately, Taylor Swift is here for you with whichever status fits you. If you’re in a healthy relationship, take a long listen to “All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version). It will make you feel so incredibly loved and joyful. Alternatively, if you’re single, “Lover” is the perfect song to make you feel less alone.
Lastly, it’s necessary to discuss the most common situation experienced by Mines students recently. When you’re walking across the frozen, slippery sheets of ice and trying your best not to slip and fall, you need a song that does not make you wish that you were somewhere else. Especially when you do fall and decide to take a break on the ground for a while, listen to “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina And The Waves.