Rumor: Mines will build a parking lot in place of the demolished Jefferson County Jail building, which previously housed the Mines alumni office and an assortment of expensive vacuum tubes.
Status: Confirmed. The new “BP lot” will be financed by in-kind donations from its namesake oil company. Marquez Hall has been put on hold until Petroleum Engineers get chased out of Alderson by the Chemical Engineering department. Facilities Management says that, due to the central location of the new lot, parking passes for the lot will be $200 per semester. Parking in the Hall of Justice lot will carry an increased price as well to pay off the cost of the parking kiosks (both of them) in the areas.
Rumor: The Economics & Business and LAIS departments have teamed up to form a new major group, dubbed “Language, International and Entrepreneurial Studies,” or LIES for short.
Status: Confirmed. True to the campus master plan, increased diversity will be available to students starting the fall semester of next year. Majors will include Marketing and Social Sciences. An Administrative Assistant program will be offered.
Rumor: Full body scanners will be set up at the entrances to test-taking facilities for Chemistry, Physics and Calculus tests.
Status: Confirmed. The expense for these scanners will be added as a $20 line item on the tuition bills of anyone not taking the above courses.
Rumor: The Gravedigger will return.
Status: Busted. This message brought to you by “No, we won’t drop the price of our products” Sony. So trust us… really.