Satire

Fanfiction convention in Denver

The International Fanfiction and Fanart Convention, fondly called “Yo Dawg, I Heard You Like Fandoms” by attendees, is coming to the mile-high city May 13-16. Several Mines students and alums will be speaking at the event, mostly to provide engineering advice on the “FanFix” panel. The panel will provide tips and guidelines for authors who approach fanfiction as a way to fix glaring plot holes, character mis-development, and unrealistic technology in the original work.

Your Weekly Horoscope: 4-25-11

This week was a shocking upset to the astrology community as it was revealed that the astrological signs that have blessed many a birth since the beginning of time have been changed. In order to keep up with trends, this weeks horoscopes will be presented using these new signs.

Your Weekly Horoscope: 4-18-11

Aries – As Aries is a ram, today you will either transform into a truck and fight the evils of the universe, or you will begin to feast on garbage and your pupils will become rectangular. Let us hope for the former.

Taurus – You have always felt the spirit of the bull inside of you – the power, the awe-striking magnificence, the tasty rib-eye steaks. Be careful of that last one, though, when you get stranded on a desert island this week.

Zombie training drill reveals weaknesses

Mines students and faculty are concerned with the results from the zombie outbreak drill that began last week. Framed as a game to prevent panic among the students, the drill simulated the conditions of a zombie outbreak using Nerf weapons and bright green bandannas around the arm (human) or skull (zombie). The results were horrifying. By the end of the week, the zombies had gained a clear dominance over their human counterparts and were seen forming rudimentary social groups without fear of attack.

Grill-a-day Fundraiser

The CSM entomophagy club will be holding their second annual Grill-a-day fundraiser this week. The fundraiser will feature a different insect dish for each day of the week, which may be purchased at $2 per plate. “College is a time to try new things,” said club president Vince Holt, “so we’re hoping that students will overcome their cultural taboos and try out the dishes. We’ve got some tasty stuff lined up.”
The Grill-a-day event will be held on Kafadar Commons at lunchtime Monday through Friday of this week. The menu will be as follows:

Your weekly horoscope

Aries – It is clear that you are still slightly hungover from E-days. This would not be such a problem given that most everybody was the day after, but come on, its been at least a week now.

Push team wins again

The Orecart Push army has once again dealt a stunning victory against the Pull army, continuing a run of over a decade. Fans exist for both sides. Pull supporters claim that even though the Push team tends to field superior numbers, Pullers tend to have more motivation and are, on average, more physically fit. Still, it seems that for now, the Pushers are so numerous that they quickly overwhelm their opponents, and this trend appears to show no signs of stopping.

Community Spotlight: Denver International Airport/Shadow government world headquarters

Whether you’re travelling for business or vacation, or submitting to the rule of the New World Order, DIA is the place for you. While some might say it is a world-class airport built for a growing major city, others counter that is in fact the headquarters of the Masonic Shadow Government, and the site of their secret underground concentration camp. And that state-of-the-art efficient baggage handling system? Run by child slave labor, obviously.

Students unsure about Spring Break

CSM’s seniors showed some confusion last week about the scheduled “break.” Many attempted to show up for class or turn in homework, and a few professors followed suit, worsening the situation. Others thought that they were attending classes even though they were not. Said mechanical engineering senior John Noble, “Spring break? Isn’t that in June…

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